Corey notes that it only takes one strike to change things. Weren’t they only a tag team for, like, a month? Jinder with a low dropkick for two and chokes away on the ropes, apparently the human being on earth unable to have a decent match with Cesaro. Back in, Mahal chokes him out and gets a clothesline for two as the announcers discuss his “newfound singles career”. What, seven hours long and filled with part-timers? Cesaro with a gut wrench for two and a backbreaker for two, and Jinder bails off that. Saxton is excited about this and declares that it feels like Wrestlemania here tonight.
Jinder actually beats up Handsome Rusev before the match and lays him out on the floor, which I just can’t even. Rusev, who declares “You stole my idea of asking for better competition!”, is as usual woefully underutilized. Meanwhile, Handsome Rusev and Jinder Mahal suddenly break up on the pre-game show, and in fact they decide to actually stretch this out by having them both face “suitable competition” on the show tonight instead of just having a match against each other. WAY too long and pretty terrible, with poor pacing and no chemistry, as Jax just isn’t ready for this position. Legdrop to the back, which the announcers call a splash, but Sasha manages to get a rolling cradle for the pin at 8:24.
#FASTLANE 2017 TIME FREE#
They do an awkward spot in the corner so that Sasha can maneuver into the Banks Statement, but Nia breaks free and chokeslams her. That doesn’t work, so Sasha tries a sleeper instead and Jax escapes that as well. Nia with a torture rack and she just walks around the ring like that with Sasha in no apparent pain whatsoever, until Sasha swings into a guillotine. WHAT HUMAN BEING TALKS LIKE THIS?! Nia continues slowly beating on Sasha as this drags on. And we go to a surfboard as Saxton explains that “Boss” stands for “Built on self-success”. Sasha attacks to start and gets nowhere, and Jax beats on her for two. Meanwhile, Stephanie is unable to be here tonight, so she castrates Mick Foley over the phone instead. Big boot sets up the Rocket Launcher for two, but Gallows destroys Cass on the floor and Anderson pins Enzo at 8:41 because he’s useless as usual. Cass throws Anderson around with slams, but goes after Gallows and gets rolled up for two. Finally Enzo dodges a charging Anderson and makes the hot tag to Cass. See, I can make funny names just like him. Enzo escapes to the floor and dodges both heels, but walks into another high knee from Anderson because he’s Enzo A-Moron. So as usual Enzo talks big and then gets his ass kicked for an extended period of time, and now they’re doing crowd reaction shots to chinlocks.
Cass cleans house on the champs to start and tosses Enzo onto them, but Enzo immediately walks into a flying knee and gets beat up. They’re even doing the obnoxious crowd reaction shots for Enzo’s promos now. RAW World tag team titles: Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows v. Meanwhile, Bayley’s promo is interrupted by Nia Jax. Seven hours is a hell of a long time for a thrill-ride. **3/4 Sami got nothing, which is fine, but you could have accomplished that in 5:00 quite easily.Īpparently Wrestlemania is the “ultimate thrill-ride”. Felt like it should have been shorter if they were going for that booking, but it was a good opener for the most part.
Sami goes up, but Joe hits another enzuigiri up there and catches him with the uranage and choke to finish at 9:48. “He might have been playing possum!” declares Byron Saxton, showing the insight and quick wit he’s known for. Sami does the bit where he “collapses” and then cradles Joe for two off that. They head up and slug it out on the top rope, but Joe puts him down with an atomic drop and senton for two. Sami finally does start his comeback and hits the powerbomb for two. Joe with a bow and arrow hold and he fires away with chops and then viciously clips him to cut off a comeback. Joe casually swats him down and follows with an enzuigiri in the corner.
Joe puts Sami down with leg kicks to start and rolls into a kneebar, but Sami comes back with a flying headscissors and slugs away in the corner. Your hosts are Michael Cole, Corey Graves & Byron Saxton
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